Expectation
“Today is my day, the day I have been waiting for so long. I will never forget this day. I was the only fat girl at school and they bullied me for it. I am the fatty of the family and they keep picking me for that. I am convinced that the surgery will solve all the problems I have. It is a magic!” Problem solution at its best…
Reality
Wow! This sounds like a huge disappointment on the way. I found this expectation in one of the forums I follow. And I have to say it made me sad.
I fully understand that being the only fat girl at school had to be a real ordeal, nothing you would like to go through again. Kids can be mean and they will let you know. And it is the same with the family. They make fun of you, laughing at you, thinking that they will make you somehow change from one day to another.
In reality, what they are doing is making your relationship with food even more unhealthy. You hate yourself every day, and you don’t want to go to family reunions because you know it will be about your weight again as the main conversation topic. Who would want that, right?
Waiting for a miracle
So you decide that bariatric surgery is the way to go, that you will lose the weight and they won’t have a reason to laugh at you and they will leave you alone. What is more, they will start liking you. As if the size of your body was the most important thing to cherish about you. You think that you lose weight and that all the nasty things you had experienced before miraculously disappear.
If only it worked like this. The thing is that people have you in some box and they won’t change their opinion just like that. Luckily, you won’t have to go back to high school anymore, but your family? They will see you as the fat girl forever. It is the same as your mother. You will always be her little girl. No matter that you are 40 now. And older siblings? Omg! You will always be the baby for them.
Unhealthy thinking
There is a pattern of thinking that doesn’t serve much. “I will be happy when X happens” = I will be happy when I lose weight. In some Tomorrowland where the sun is shining and all is perfect and easy. You are projecting your happiness to something that is not certain and you have no idea if and how it will turn out. But you are certain that iw ill be like that. All I can tell you is that Tomorrowland doesn’t exist and it won’t be as wonderful as you are painting it.
But you tie all your future to it. It is uncertain, it is only in your imagination and it is way better than the reality will be. And it means only one thing. You will be very, but very disappointed. The happiness and all your problems solved in the future won’t happen. To tell the truth, you are very likely to have more problems you will have to face.
New problems
The food, the doctor’s appointments, maybe some intolerance, the supplements, the protein shakes, new habits, exercise. Things you have no idea about now. What is more, a lot of your old friends won’t take it lightly that you are losing weight. Remember, misery loves company. And you won’t be miserable anymore. So it is likely that some of your friends won’t make it to your future. You will have to leave them behind. Or maybe they will leave you behind. It depends. And if you don’t know it yet, bariatric patients have a much higher divorce rate, so be aware and work on your relationship before it is too late.
I have heard somebody saying that they became very insecure in their new body. It is full of flabby skin and it turned out to be their biggest insecurity. They have a new partner but they are scared to show off what is under the clothes. Count on this. No matter what you do, you will have some extra skin. It is inevitable.
Food is not available anymore
Your life used to turn around food, but it won’t be the case anymore. Everybody will be eating whatever they want and you will have to stick with what is allowed or what you tolerate. And no, no more feasts. It will be enough to eat as if you were a 10-year-old. For a very long time. In my case, I am 2,5 years after the surgery, and my restriction is still very high. I eat three meatballs and I am heavily overeaten. So imagine yourself in an all-you-can-eat buffet…
It is a tool
The surgery has one big advantage. It will help you lose weight. And I underline the word HELP. It will help you. But it won’t do the work for you. You will have to do it with the help of the surgery. But the bari honeymoon lasts only a year, maybe two if you have a lot of weight to lose. If you stop doing what you should be doing, if you stop exercising, if you don’t weigh and measure your food, the inevitable will happen. You will start gaining the weight back.
The surgery doesn’t mean any miracle, any instant happiness, or any instant solution to all your problems. You will have the same people around you, they won’t change. But whether you like it or not, you will change a lot. And it will inevitably cause friction. They were used to using you as a doormat and you won’t allow it anymore. So brace yourself for some interesting conversations.
Emotions!
What is more, you will go through an important emotional roller coaster after the surgery. It happened to almost everybody. It will be quite hard for your family and friends. They won’t get it. They might even react in ways that are likely to hurt you. Please be patient. With yourself and with them as well. It is not easy. You are undergoing an important transformation.
Solve your problems
Enjoy the ride, albeit bumpy. It is not easy. But once you undergo it, you will be happy you did it. You will face many challenges, and many new problems, and your old ones won’t disappear. They will still be there. You will have to solve them. Whether they are issues with food, with an annoying neighbor, with your cheating partner, you name it. It is irrelevant what exactly these problems are, they will still be there.
And whether you are slim or not, it won’t make any difference. You will have to face them and solve them. And your body size makes no difference in it. So maybe start now and do something about stuff that makes your life miserable. The Tomorrowland won’t make it any better, the pounds lost either. Take them one by one and keep doing things. This is the only way to advance in life and to make the famous Tomorrowland a better place than your Todayland 🙂
